Making Peace with Your Inner Critic

Last month I talked about the inner critic. We all have one! It is the way you talk to yourself. It can build you up or tear you down. When your inner dialogue is harsh, or critical it’s usually because you’re repeating things you heard from your parents or other authority figures when you were growing up.

Sometimes, if the criticism goes too far, it can discourage you from trying and then this can take the joy out of your life.

Break free from the voices in your head.

Take some time to look at the variety of techniques available to you that can show you that there’s more than one way to make peace with your inner critic.

Your inner critic will sound less scary if you remember that it wants to protect you from failure and other possible dangers.

Learn how to put it to work for you instead of against you!

Increase your awareness of what you are telling yourself. You may be so used to your inner critic that you hardly think about what it’s saying. Start changing your relationship by trying to understand what it wants to tell you.

Look back on past events to see where it comes from. What’s your first memory of your inner critic? Does it sound like a particular person from your past? There may be family issues or other matters that you need to heal before you can move on. For me, it was a combination of my father, and some superiors from my military career.

Focus on growth. Maybe your inner voice says you’re bad at math because you failed a test in the third grade. In reality, you’re not stuck in your past. Adopt a growth mindset that enables you to become whatever you want as long as you’re willing to put in the work to get there.

Aim higher. You may also find your inner critic easier to deal with if you keep a deeper purpose in mind. When you’re working for something bigger than yourself, you can accept your self-doubts without being overcome by them.

Silencing Your Inner Critic

On the other hand, there are times when you just need a break. If your self-talk is making you anxious and/ or depressed, you can find relief with these strategies.

Seek distractions. Shift your attention elsewhere but try not to use social media as then you will most likely start comparing yourself with all the fake others out there! Take a walk or read a book. Spend some time doing anything that you enjoy.

Distance yourself from the inner critic. Turn down the volume by imagining that your inner critic is speaking to someone else instead of you. Take any statement and replace the personal pronouns with a funny name.

Identify what triggers you. Give yourself advance warning. Figure out the situations where your inner critic is likely to appear. You may be sensitive about first dates or criticism from your boss. Or maybe even just being around certain people.

Write a list your strengths and carry them with you. If you’re tired of hearing about your weaknesses, remember your strengths. Make a list of the things you’re good at from cooking to being artistic.

Correct exaggerations. We all like to exaggerate from time to time. We tend to catastrophize. We use words like always and never. But how often is that really true? There are always exceptions to the always and never rules. Keep things in perspective by ensuring that your self-talk is accurate.

Use affirmations. Repeating positive affirmations can give you a boost when you’re feeling down. Browse online for ideas or invent your own wording.

Remember your worth. Being tough on yourself erodes your self-esteem. Shore it back up by telling yourself that you deserve to be happy and successful. Or check out my blog next week on self-esteem!

Build a support network. While you need to value yourself, it helps to have others in your corner too. Surround yourself with family and friends who make you feel positive about yourself and your opportunities.

Take control of your self-talk and your future. Treat yourself with compassion and keep striving to reach your full potential.